they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
