you would pick up someone in the library
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
