I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
