then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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