I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
