you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
