The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
