masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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