I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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