HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
