i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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