Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
