wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
