look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
