You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
