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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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