Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize