I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
