watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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