I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need water and some morals
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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