people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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