im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
