I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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