Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
