someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
