I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
