I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
