her vagine was all disorganized.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
