I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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