The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
