Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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