But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
