Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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