If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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