I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
