Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
