Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize