Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize