she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
