I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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