I love watching others lives come down to our level.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
