Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize