just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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