Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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