Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
