Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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