Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
