I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
