get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
