My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
