I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
