The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
