i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
