So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
