thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize