Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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