I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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