i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
