please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
