does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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