the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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