so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
