he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
