Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
