I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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