You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
