Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
