i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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